The Herald. Line: In dating, flattery actually gets you nowhere

By SCOTT SAALMAN

Six years back we logged much more years divorced than hitched. Somehow, the teeter-totter of the time tipped like that.

How do this be? Sixteen years because the Big D? — the withdrawal of this strap? Sixteen years, never remarried? — nowhere near. Jaded, possibly, about matrimony. We hesitate purchasing wedding gift ideas for newlyweds. I’m a believer in divorce or separation presents; that is whenever one of many two events will need the toaster really.

I’ve dated — but I’ve not dated significantly more than plenty of fish I have actually dated. Second times are difficult to come by — my true genius evidently goes underneath the radar with all those who have shared a restaurant on the awesome appetizers) with me(I blame it.

Never ever mind the date that is second. It’s the first date that’s the toughest to nail straight down, this despite having actually “flattered” many females in past times 16 years. Flattered. There’s nothing I hate a lot more than hearing that word originate from feminine lips or seeing it typed by feminine flailing fingers that are fiery.

Example. The scenario that is oft-repeated

Me personally: therefore, could we just take you down for supper?

Female: Scott, i will be flattered me out that you have asked —

Me personally (instinctively butting in to achieve a foothold): Great! I’ll pick you up at 6. Oh — and do you have got a passport.

Seems promising, appropriate? Au contraire mon ami (French concerning . well . one thing French), because of this girl has more to state about the subject.

Female: Scott, i will be flattered me out, but that you have asked .

Henceforth comes the dreaded big but. But? Exactly what? It does not matter. None for the addendums are to my benefit.

Precisely 100 % (but who’s counting?) for the ladies who stated they certainly were “flattered” upon being asked down by me never finished up heading out beside me.

“Flattered” is the kiss of dating death. Females reading my terms at this time are knowingly nodding like bobble-heads on rate and thinking that is likely “My Jesus, Scott cracked the rule. He’s on to us. We are in need of a brand new term. Must send memo.”

My recommended replacement for flattered: sickened. “Scott, i will be sickened me out that you have asked.” Perfect. Why overcome round the bush before beating the person down?

We suspect women use “flattered” as being a good solution to set the phase for rejection, a humane solution to harm (in essence, making the woman feel a lot better concerning the turndown, perhaps maybe maybe maybe perhaps maybe not the man), a softening associated with beaches prior to the big blow to male ego, making some guy feeling just like a turd in a tin glass.

An on-line woman that is dating came across did consent to fulfill for a glass or two. At our rendezvous, she informed me personally that she had invested nearly all of that day at the funeral house where her mom had been being shown — visiting hours weren’t also over yet — with all the burial slated when it comes to day that is following. Deal breaker! Hey, I’m a painful and sensitive man, however if there’s something we can’t stay, it is a Debbie Downer type. With no, i did son’t ask she did) if she needed a date for the funeral (even though maybe. I’m not too hopeless ( perhaps maybe perhaps maybe not beneath me to scan the obituaries for Fresh Widow Meat, which as my hero Dave Barry might point out, would be a great name for a rock band) that it’s.

I’ve learned a couple of other stuff about dating into the ages that are middle.

Don’t purchase your gf Mace. Used to do this when, concerned about her safety whenever alone. Then, during a stroll, we recommended we split up. Away came the Mace. The Mace hit my face. She clearly didn’t just take the headlines along with I’d hoped. It absolutely wasn’t the eye burn that amazed me, it had been the neck burn. The gagging. Smartest thing though ended up being she sprayed resistant to the wind, which intended a lot of the spray went back to her eyes and neck. Therefore, together we cried and gagged, and someplace within the insanity that lovers share, I was thinking: she Maced me personally, she must love me personally. In hindsight, I’m pleased I didn’t purchase her a handgun.

In case your date is excited to visit Barnes and Noble to not ever have a look at publications but to drive the escalator, this woman is 1) far too young she was 15 years younger… but legal), or 2) she really needs to get out of Dubois County more for you. We lasted one visit to Barnes and Noble (or 20 trips from the escalator).

Long-distance dating works until it does not. On a few occasions, due to the joys of online dating sites (which in Jasper means driving 2 to 3 hours for a night out together), we have actually driven really far for very very very very first times to simply hear my date let me know during the restaurant dining dining dining table after she finishes her steak, lobster and million dollar martinis) that she really isn’t interested in pursuing a long-distance relationship (but not until.

Attempting to make down on a very first date at a Weird Al concert is wrong on many amounts. Guilty. No date that is second.

Adequate back at my help guide to dating into the old. I’m certain there’ll be much more to report through the trenches. I’m a hopeless intimate with a punching case heart. Now then, I ask them out if I can only figure out how not to flatter someone when.